What About Adoptee Confidentiality?

Adoptee rights advocates aren't here to make you feel warm and fuzzy. We bring the difficult conversations into the light. This is an integral part of our mission. We are the end users of the social construct of adoption. Whether it is to shed light on the inadequacy of current systems, or the educating of legislators on the need for greater transparency, we are here to strike up the difficult conversations.  

Among those conversations is the recent practice of agencies, both public and private, sharing very personal information of minor children on social media platforms, blogs, and websites. This practice is justified by some agencies,  saying it helps to get children into loving homes that are better equipped to provide a nurturing environment. They may also argue that it elicits a level of sympathy and can serve as a catalyst for someone who might not otherwise be looking at adoption. In an attempt to safeguard, there are regulations in place with regard to children in foster care about what shared information is permitted. However, based on a website I stumbled upon of previously adopted children, whose parents are seeking new homes for them there are no safeguards in place. The idea of the website is to provide the children with a loving home, more suited to their specific needs, since they were displaced from their adoptive homes. This is known as rehoming. Most of the posts did not include why the child was no longer welcome or suited to the original “forever family,” only that a new family was needed and the myriad of challenges the child’s behaviors presented. Many of these children were adopted from foreign countries. Many were lacking an invested parent to advocate for them. All had their personal "detriments," traumas, and disabilities displayed for the general public to see on a public site.

This is saying nothing of what was promised to the birth/first mother upon relinquishment, and what her expectations for her baby were as she sent them thousands of miles across sea and land, I urge you to ponder what happens when that child reaches adulthood. When they Google their name...visit their online story, what will they see? There is often a grieving process for an adoptee immediately following receipt of their confidential non id info (if they can get it at all). Non ID information refers to the information available to them for the adoption agency or the state about the time before they were adopted. This grieving process is normal, and receiving this information is important to an adoptee's identity development and sense of self. Now imagine the added complication of having to process that - not only were they perceived as unwanted by their [first] adoptive family, but everyone knows it. The entire internet. Googling yourself is a common activity for people today. Finding out that your very person al information is out there, for literally all to see is a major trauma. 

Forgotten in these public online posts, as is the case in many adoption customs and laws, is the fact that adopted children, like all children, grow up. They become adults. The fact that the choices regarding public disclosure of information that their guardians at the time made in haste and under duress, when they were perhaps very young children, remains relevant for their entire life. Once private information is “out there” on social media, it is public information, out of the control of it’s owner, or even the original poster. Someone who was granted authority to do what was “in the best interests of the child,” could well cause them trauma as an adult, leaving much of the earlier trauma work to unravel, decades later. We all care about children. If you are reading this, it is likely you want to do what is best. But our job isn’t to stop caring as soon as the child leaves care, or even leaves childhood. I challenge agencies, both public and private, to take a closer look at this practice. As a friend of mine so often quotes, "when we know better, we do better."

Christian Guest Blogger

In my social media travels, I recently came accross this exchange between Lynn Grubb, adoptee rights advocate and writer, and commenter, Jennifer Fredericksen, family preservation advocate. It so impacted me that I asked permission to create this dialogue as a blog post. I feel it explains why people of faith not only can, but should support adoption reform and family preservation. Thank you Lynn and Jennifer for allowing me to share:
Lynn: Adoptees, adoptive and birth parents: what could the church do more of (or less of) to help you feel supported in your faith and worship? Even if you do not currently attend a place of worship I would still like to hear from you especially if you left a place of worship because of anything related to adoption.

Jennifer Fredericksen: Thank you for asking this question. 
A few things I can think of that would help me and my family fit back into the church and begin to heal from adoption trauma......

1) Listen to us. Sit with adoptees and families of loss. Show up and hear our grief and loss. Validate it.

2) Research and understand that adoption does not save babies from being aborted. In fact, I have testimony from qualified professionals in the pro-life mindset that can prove such. This is huge because if they knew the facts, they would support family preservation. Expecting mothers who believe adoption is their only birthing option will abort before relinquishing.

3) Prepare  a sermon, or many that digs into scripture explaining the real meaning of adoption in the Bible. I have never heard a sermon from the pulpit to support the way our churches promote adoption? I had to read if for myself and study what God says about the importance of family and how adoption is not His design.....which explains the grief and damage adoption has done to my family. Why did I have to find this out on my own?

4) All Pastors need to read the "Primal Wound" to understand the trauma of a child and mother separated at birth. If we are going to be "pro-life" we need to care about the wellbeing of child and mother as well. 

5) When there is an unexpected pregnancy in the church family it is imperative how we handle it.  Embrace the expecting mother. Do not judge her or her family. Come along side of them and celebrate the new family member with all the family. I can not tell you how many people told us they were sorry to hear of the pregnancy. I recall one person congratulating me. I was stunned by this. A baby is not a sin......it is a gift from God for the parents and family, not for another family.

6) Make sure the church comes alongside the expecting grandparents to assure them their importance in supporting their son or daughter AND grandchild.

7) This one is big for me......it literally makes me physically ill.  Stop promoting pregnancy centers that promote adoption as a beautiful, selfless option. Along with propping up open adoption. Open adoption is not legally binding. Be aware of what we are supporting financially.  Relinquishing a baby is devastating to a mother and child. We should not support anything that causes such trauma...abortion and adoption is trauma.  We need to promote parenting. Adoption should rarely take place. We have to educate the pregnancy centers.
I am not against these centers, I want to support them. But they need to know the facts on adoption.

8 ) I am certain Pastors have no idea the messages I receive from so many who suffer from adoption trauma. Their Faith and Salvation is in a crisis. For adoption to be God's plan, one mother must lose a baby and grieve this loss all her life while the other mother is blessed? God surely loves this adoptive mother and hates the other for this to happen. And for the adoptee.....God must love others more because they got to stay with their biological family. And the adoptee was separated by God from his/her family. This adoption theology, I believe, is responsible for so many never coming to Christ or their rejecting Him. THIS is a serious matter. I do not want to be responsible for this.

Just so everyone knows....

I want every baby born. I believe every mother and baby should always be given the chance to stay together. I believe most adoptive parents have good intentions and have no judgment at all with them.  Except the ones who lie, coerce, and feel entitled to someone else's child.  It's real, it happens.
I love Jesus, and I want more than ANYTHING to be back in church with my family.....I miss every part of being a church family.  We keep trying. But it would be encouraging to know some of these things above that trigger our trauma, can at the very least be discussed and taken seriously.

We as Christians and churches can do better and make family preservation our goal before adoption. 

Sorry this is so long. But I have been waiting for years for someone to ask this question.

Grateful?

Asking (or telling) an adoptee to be grateful for having a family is like asking other humans to show gratitude for the oxygen they are permitted to breathe, while all others enjoy oxygen at will.

Texas Senate Bill 329 86th Legislative session

What Texas Senate Bill 329 does:

1. Restores access to the non-certified copy of the original birth certificate to the adoptee at age 18.
2. Provides a contact preference form to birth parents to specify preferred contact: direct, through an intermediary, or prefer no contact.
3. Provides a medical history form which can be filled out by a birth parent and attached to original birth certificate with the contact preference form.
4. Provides descendants of the adoptee access in the event the adoptee is deceased, in keeping with the rights of access for no- adopted citizens.

Why it makes sense:

• Prior to 1973 implementation of the Texas Family Code birth certificates were open to the parties of the adoption, including the adult adoptee and birth parent(s). Currently, the original birth certificate remains the birth certificate of the child until they are adopted. Adoptions may occur months, years later, or never, resulting in the foster child becoming an adult, keeping their original, intact birth certificate. If birth parent anonymity was the intent of the Family Code, the system would be written otherwise.  
• This is the first time in Texas birth parents would be legally granted a voice in the process.
• This would provide ethnicity information, genealogical information, connection to biological family information. All critical to the health and well being of the adoptee.
• Birth parents are not legally promised anonymity at the time of adoption. Their rights are removed, not granted at the time of relinquishment. Concerned United Birth parents supports this legislation. They do not feel they should stand in the way of an individual's right to their own personal vital record. Furthermore, the release of the original birth certificate minimizes the chances of the adoptee having to conduct a more public search, using DNA and social media  
• Releasing the original birth certificate to the adult adoptee is in keeping with Texas tradition and current norms. The records were not sealed to the parties of the adoption for most of the 20th century (1973), A simple study and inquiry into past and current adoption systems reveals no evidence that this sealing was or is done to protect birth parent privacy. When discussing the current practice with today's agencies, the original birth certificate is routinely given as part of the adoption file to adoptive families before it is sealed.
• Although Texas does maintain a mutual consent registry, the nature of the registry forces the adult adoptee to contact the biological family first in order to obtain their own personal information. SB 329 gives the adoptee their vital record without requiring a reunion.  
• Although the addition of the medical history form as part of the adoption process did occur in the 1990's, the information provided is minimal and static.Imagine a family medical history without any updates during your lifetime. Have you always known what your parents would be afflicted with as they age? Family medical history is ever evolving. This is of little help to adoptees as they age and attempt to navigate their medical care in adulthood. SB 329 provides a way for adoptees to obtain an up-to-date family medical history voluntary.
• SB 329 carries no fiscal note, yet accomplishes so much.
• Adoption professionals have known for decades that providing the adoptee with origin and medical history information is the humane practice. To continue to deny adoptees what all others in our society enjoy is simply cruel. When we know better we do better. This issue has been on the hearts and minds of the adoption community for over 20 years, This is the 11th consecutive session this type of legislation has been introduced and the closest we've come to getting it passed!  

Original bill test here: http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/BillLookup/Text.aspx?LegSess=85R&Bill=SB329


Copyright 2017 Marci Purcell: All rights reserved; may be used freely with citation by non-profits and educational institutions. 

Game Changers for Supporting Access

I support #SB329. In recent years there have been important game changers causing the need for legislative change to protect the rights of many in the adoption community. They are social media and the DNA testing sites (Ancestry.com, FtDNA). In the past there were arguments based on feeling relating to keeping records sealed, but those proved to be myths by the longitudinal data. In fact these bills look to be naturally lowering abortion rates as the abortion rates typically decline in states that restore access and are lowest in the states that never closed.

Current options for adoptees in Texas

1. Petition the court of adoption for the judge to release the birth certificate: As adult adoptees, many of us from the baby scoop era, are taught to feel ashamed of wanting this genealogical information. Even well meaning people say to us, “Why would you do this to your adopted family? They are your real family, the ones who raised you.” Am I not permitted to the curiosity I feel as most people do, when it comes to my ancestry? Learning my biological genealogy cannot begin to replace the memories of my childhood and the parenting of my adoptive family. No adult adoptee thinks it could. But it does not erase my innate curiosity and longing for my cultural identity. To go before a judge only risks the same judgement, the same accusing questions. but in a very public manner. For many adoptees this can be, and often is a very humiliating experience. It is again to be told, “You have no right to know your family, to know your heritage, not even as an adult citizen, as the rest of us do.” I am an adoptee, advocating for this legislation and I have not had the emotional fortitude to go before a judge and risk another rejection. The idea of this process makes me feel vulnerable and humiliated. Often times the judge denies access.

2. Social Media: If I do not have the means, the fortitude, or was denied my original birth certificate by the judge I can turn to social media. Sites like Facebook and Twitter have already played a vital role in uniting birth families. Adoptees are using the most efficient tools available to them, and right now that is social media. People ask, “what’s the harm in this. Why worry if it is working?” Reunions are stressful. A public reunion scenario adds another level of stress. I believe the humane way to initiate reunion is for a person to obtain their OBC, directly. Then the adoptee can reach out privately to the biological parents. When you “advertise” on social media, you risk “outing” the birth parent before they have a chance to prepare. In fact, the adoptee has inadvertently told thousands of people about a very private event, filled with a myriad of emotions for the birth mother/birth father. Or, the adoptee contacts a half-sibling or a cousin, and the birth mother is outed this way. Most birth parents actually do want to be found. Research supports this, however, most do not want to be found in a public forum; very jarring and not at all private. I think this is a real injustice. By keeping birth records sealed, it forces adoptees to go about searching in a very public way. If access to OBC’s is granted, it reverts back to a private matter between adult family members, as it should be.

3. DNA Testing Sites: Again, a very useful tool with many of the pitfalls listed above. It is rare for an adoptee to get a direct match to a birth parent when entering DNA. It is usually a second cousin or maybe a half sibling. The adoptee then “climbs the family tree” until they reach someone who is willing to do a little digging.This digging involves asking various family members if they know anything about a baby being relinquished. The birth mother is then outed, possibly before she has had time to emotionally prepare or tell those closest to her. With the awareness of the law changing, the birth parent has a chance to think things through, and make thoughtful decisions about how to handle contact, and at the very least tell those closest to them.
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Adopted people are finding their families. But the current system is failing to keep these matters private. Ironically, by removing government involvement by in dealing records, states can protect the rights of citizens on both sides of the equation. That is why the past element of opposition is missing. This is why so many legislators are signing on and we rapidly nearing the tipping point. Because, in the past an adult adopted person had little chance of finding biological family without the birth certificate. Now, the OBC has become almost irrelevant. Except it is not; Not to those whose OBC’s are denied them. It is a constant reminder that they are a shameful secret, not granted the same rights to their first medical and genealogical document as everyone else; an event for which they were present. OBC Access legislation greatly reduces this risk of unwanted publicity and provides personal validity for thousands of Texas citizens.

Why Adoptees are Needed to Testify for OBC Access

I've gotten to know the Capitol fairly well, and in my travels through its halls I meet mostly supporters of OBC access. I think it is fairly accurate to say we have "overwhelming support" in the Capitol. However, I still meet a few who "do not see the need." That is personally why I go. To be seen. And heard. As I am no longer a child.

What opponents say to me as an adult adoptee regarding my rights to my information.

Nothing.

They say nothing.

Nothing that acknowledges that I am a voting, autonomous adult. They refer to me as "the adopted child," if they refer to me at all. I am unseen in the equation. I did not pay money to sit at the adoption table. I did not empower someone else to become a parent. I have no signature on the contract. I am to remain silent and be grateful that it "all worked out for the best."

They say nothing about our lack of family medical history, or that the state created, current systems in place are inadequate and daunting. They say nothing about how not only do we not have our family medical history but neither do our offspring. They do not speak to my anxiety as a dating person, not knowing who I am related to or growing up without accurate or ANY ethnicity information.

They say nothing to me, the adoptee.

Birth parents need to testify because people are speaking for them. In the case of adoptees, no one is even bothering to speak for us....we are not even part of the narrative. Opponents are not even bothering to co-opt our voice in this issue. We are children. We are not to challenge the system. According to our opponents, any and all information can only come to us from the parents, no matter how old we are. Our birth certificate is not for us to be handled without permission.

The opponents will be there Monday, and their dismissal of us, of adult adoptees will be seen by those who are in support. This is perhaps one of the most powerful aspects of this hearing. To see who is moved by our stories and who is not, and for others to see that, too. If you support, come lend your voice or vote to this process.

**The State Affairs hearing regarding OBC access is Monday, March 27, 2017 9 am at the Texas State Capitol in Austin in the Senate Chambers. Affordable parking can be found at the Capitol Visitors Parking Garage, a half block from the Capitol Building. When you enter you can ask for directions or stop by the visitors desk and grab a map. They can also give you directions. The bill order is not announced until the morning of, so we do not know what exact time the bill will be heard. Look for the group dressed in bright blue, either in the Gallery or Chamber depending on schedule, if you want support. We will be giving testimony and providing support to each other.

Texas OBC Access 2017

A bill that would restore access for adults who were born and adopted in Texas to a noncertified copy of their original birth certificate is currently making it's way through the Texas legislature. SB329 and HB547 are the bills to support for this proposed restoration of rights. Most people assume adoptees get their information when they become adults, but in Texas this is not so. However, since adoptees come from all walks of life and across the political spectrum this bill is currently enjoying bipartisan support.

So far, 13 senators and counting have heeded the many constituent requests to sponsor SB329. The group who put the bill forward, Texas Adoptee Rights, has mobilized thousands across the state. Those in support of restoring access include birthparents, adoptive parents, and adult adoptees. There are also many professional and medical groups who recognize the need for adults to have their information, both for medical reasons and for personal identity information, such as ethnicity and biological lineage. Others support simply on the grounds that it is discrimination to bar one group from accessing the document everyone else has a right to.

The biggest catalyst for an improvement in the law has been the emergence of DNA testing companies and social media. With closed records, adoptees and some birth families now turn to these public venues to search. This often results in extended families, including half siblings and social media “friends” being contacted before the birth parent even knows there is a search. Restoring access to birth certificates allows the process of reconnecting to be private once again, and a one-on-one communication instead of a public "outing." SB329 restores privacy for all involved and removes the need for public searches.

Some argue the current system is sufficient, but if that were true advocates would not have such a strong case to amend the law. Advances in DNA technology have made the registry and court system a liability to time sensitive searching, and there are those who just want their info, with no interest in searching. As for the registry, dead people don't register, and if a birth parent has died of an inherited disease there is no way to get this info to the adoptee.

The adoption language and societal cues leave adoptees and birth parents feeling they have no right to know each other even though they may have the desire, so they dare not register. The court system can be degrading and yields unpredictable results depending on the judge's perception of the vague term, "good cause," as is written into current law. Attempting to fix a completely broken system is a waste of state resources. With this information age comes a need to overhaul how we view confidentiality, and what actually preserves it for those involved in adoption. Secrecy is never a real solution. The concept of anonymity is from a bygone era.

With the discovery of how vitally important family medical history can be, adoptee’s lives hang in the balance. Some are in a race against time to discover what medical issues may be in their future, or worse, they may be struggling to diagnose a disease without the necessary information for their doctors to solve their medical mystery.

With so many senators signed on to SB329 things are looking good! The support is there and is making good progress through the legislative labyrinth. The further good news is this bill generates money for the state of Texas, instead of costing.

I, a long time Texas resident but a New Jersey adoptee, received my birth certificate just days ago. Their law went into effect January 1st. Seems odd that the geography of my birth affects what information I am permitted to know about myself. I cannot wait until my fellow Texans can enjoy the same feeling of legitimacy that comes with access to one's own birth record. It is a profound experience.

Is the term "Forever Family" contractual?

There is an argument afloat that adoptive parents signed into a contract and were given the impression through the adoption process, that they would be the "forever family" to their adoptive child. They feel opening records threatens that "promise" and violates adoptive parents rights," and so justifies keeping adoptees' original birth certificates sealed. 

1. Granting an adult adoptee a non certified copy of an original birth certificate does not change the legal relationship of parentage. An adoptive parent is still recognized by law as the legal parent. Most importantly, adoption contracts do not stipulate that the identity of the birth parent(s) will never be released to the adoptee. Providing a non-certified copy of an OBC to an adult adoptee does not impact the legal status of an adoption or violate an adoption contract. 

2. The rights of any legal parent, either biological or adoptive, to control or limit the rights of their child do not extend past the emancipation age of 18, when they become an adult citizen.

3. The idea of a "forever family" is not legal terminology. This is a social term that has been used to describe a family that will ensure the test of time, not the test of a legal contract and whether it survives into adulthood. We are in relationship with our parents as adults because we choose to be, we are not required to be. No contract can enforce a parent child relationship into adulthood nor would we want it to do so.

4. Many adoptions occurred prior to the sealing of records. These parents were given the impression that their children, once adults WOULD have access to their information when they turned 18, and yet the records were still sealed retroactively, regardless of their impressions. See, An Adoptee Roared in OHIO: The Betsie Norris Story, by Jean Strauss. 

5. There is nothing in an adoption contract that stipulates a child, once an adult is legally prohibited from gaining knowledge of their own truth or origins. If there were, we would not have even the inefficient systems and pathways we currently do, the adoption registry and the courts.

6. It must be mentioned that adult adoptees did not sign the adoption contract. They are a third party in a contract they did not sign. Although the first five points nullify the validity that OBC access somehow infringes on the adoption contract signed by the parents and the agency/state, it cannot go unmentioned that adult adoptees did not sign into this contract at any time. Thus, they should not be held contractually to the terms of said contract once they reach adulthood. (Incidentally, none of these contracts grant a birth parent a lifetime of anonymity, especially since this would be negligent for the state to do so). It is then their choice to remain in a relationship, not because there was once a contract that bound them but because it is a beneficial relationship, as is the case with non adopted adults and their relationships with family.

Fortunately, not all adoptive parents are putting forth these arguments. Many support access. Especially in a time when 90% of adoptions have openness. Adoption therapists and social workers emphasize the importance of adoptees knowing their origins, and have for decades. In fact, it is quite surprising these antiquated ideas still persist at all. With many states now having access, clearly the tide is turning.

Copyright 2015 Marci Purcell: All rights reserved; may be used freely with citation by non-profits and educational institutions.