The Day the Vietnam War Came to My House

In 21st Century America, people are afraid. They are afraid of foreigners, of Muslims in particular because some people who identify as Muslims are doing some pretty horrific things around the world. And so, people are afraid. They think Muslim refugees fleeing war are going to come to their house and do horrible things, so that gives them the right to hate all Muslims and refuse them refuge. I get that. I understand this feeling, to the core of my being...because "they" came to my house...

One day, in late 1970's suburban America, the Vietnam War came to my house. When I was in 3rd grade it came knocking, and my adoptive family let the door swing wide, despite the seemingly obvious perils, and some bad things happened...and for a long time I could not face the Vietnamese people. Yes, I mean the entire planetary collective of Vietnamese people. This is what the mind of a child does when they are victim to sexual abuse and don't know how to process what is happening. This is literally a juvenile reaction to being wronged; to blame an entire population of culturally similar people.

I grew up in the New York City suburbs. Vietnam and Cambodia began sending refugees out as fast as they could and the US agreed to assist and accept many refugees during the late 1970's and early 80's. My family signed up without hesitation. My adoptive mother had a social work degree and was on a mission to "save children" from their circumstance, with little discretion, at whatever the figurative price. Our household was a collection of kids from different families, most of us adopted, some of us foster, many of us with disabilities and scars, both inside and out. Scooped up from different tragedies and thrown together to make a family. We were special. We were chosen. We were siblings. And we were unsupervised.

And even though the Vietnam War was in our school history books, here were these boys...men, really, standing in our living room. They arrived eating different foods, speaking a different language, wearing foreign clothes, foreign names...smelling of despair and restlessness.  But the loudest voice in my world at the time, my adoptive mother, was insisting they were our brothers and we needed to embrace them. We needed to welcome them. There was no arguing. And anyway, they were running from a war torn country. I felt lucky to have a roof, some clothes. Who was I to argue? Who were any of us, really?

I was 10, at least at the start of it. I remember a lot, though I am sure, not all. Mostly I remember the dark and the dread, and later the shame. After they were removed, proving too difficult to handle, labeled incorrigible, I suppose, I remember the relief.

Growing up in the shadow of NYC meant living the true melting pot experience. Diverse people, including the Vietnamese and their culture proliferated. If someone introduced themselves to me as Vietnamese I would shy away, shut down, keep walking. If I was offered Vietnamese food I would turn it down. I was afraid, bitter, angry and I was letting him win. My attempt to cope was to place the blame on everyone who looked, ate, spoke, and smelled like him. I let him rob me of my open mind.

A decade later, I moved across the country. I was still wrestling with my experience, my prejudice, which viscerally and intellectually I knew was wrong, but could not shed. It was there a friend brought me to a social event at a local noodle shop and I was again introduced to a Vietnamese family. This time I could not run. I began talking with the owner. We had so much in common, raising small children, running a business...we totally clicked. I felt so much sadness leave me as I began to feel comfortable around the language and the food...The People. My old distorted memories of intertwined cultural and abusive  encounters began to unravel and were replaced with new, healthy experiences of friendship and laughter.

My experience has taught me that better choices about placement need to be made by the adults entrusted with the care of our nation's children, but it does not mean we should turn our backs on the children of other nations. I know the hurt and the harm of shutting out a culture, a people, an entire ethnicity and what it does to a person. I can't imagine what it would do to our country.

Copyright 2017 Marci Purcell: All rights reserved; may be used freely with citation by non-profits and educational institutions. 

HB984 & 329 Media Coverage -Evy Ramos Interviews Dan Patrick & more...

This is an excellent interview with Dan Patrick done after the 84th Texas legislative session ended. It illustrates the need and support for OBC access legislation and discussed what happened to Texas House Bill 984. 24 Senators out of 31 supported the bill. Thank you, Evy Ramos for your ongoing coverage.

https://news4sanantonio.com/news/local-deprecated/birth-certificate-bill-blocked

Also, during session, this,

https://news4sanantonio.com/news/local-deprecated/adoption-bill-fails

and....

http://news4sanantonio.com/news/local/emotional-reunion-brother-and-sister-meet-for-the-first-time

2017: 

https://news4sanantonio.com/news/local/the-fight-for-what-some-are-calling-a-civil-right 

https://news4sanantonio.com/news/local/new-effort-underway-to-change-adoptees-rights-to-birth-certificates

2021

https://news4sanantonio.com/news/local/adoptee-rights-bill-takes-big-step-forward-towards-expanding-access-to-birth-certificates

Lone Senator Kills Texas Adoptee Rights Bill, Impacting Estimated 540,000 Texans

With one emotional plea, a single senator, Senator Donna Campbell (R-New Braunfels) managed to override the will of 30 other senators, public opinion, and years of work. House Bill 984 by Representative Joe Deshotel(D-Port Arthur), was put forth by local advocacy group, Texas Adoptee Rights, and would have restored access to original birth certificates for Texas-born adults, adopted as minors. Rep. Deshotel garnered unprecedented bipartisan support in the House and passed it to Senator Brandon Creighton (R-Conroe) who diligently worked it through the Senate, also garnering bipartisan support from 30 senators, including 14 co-sponsors, all to no avail.

HB 984 enjoyed bipartisan support on the merits of what access legislation has done in other states. Restoring birth certificate access to adult adoptees most often results in lowered abortion rates for that state, which is why many pro-life groups are now signing on in support. The states that never closed access have the lowest abortion rates in the nation. HB 984 would have given adoptees access to vital medical history, along with the possibility to reconnect with biological family. The birth parent is given a voice through the contact preference form. This type of legislation has support from respected institutions such as The Donaldson Adoption Institute, The Catholic Conference of Bishops, The American Academy of Pediatrics, Family Tree DNA, and the National Adoption Center, just to name a few.

The Senator uses her personal experience as an adoptive mother to silence overwhelming public support. Her claims of speaking as an adoptive mother of four are somewhat clouded since three of her four children are her step-children, and not infant adoptions. They presumably have access to their medical histories, which is among the top reasons for aging adults to request access to family records.

The reality that the bill would not be recognized due to the stance of a lone senator based on outdated adoption myths, hit hard Tuesday night. People were stunned, inside and out of the Capitol, with people watching online from all across the country. Senator Campbell killed a bill with unanimous committee support in the House and the Senate State Affairs Committee, and would have easily passed in the Senate as it had passed the House, 138-1.

Last session a bill that would allow adult adoptees to access their original birth certificates if their birth parents were already dead, was also killed by Senator Campbell. In the committee hearing when discussing the legislation, she began by asking if contact was financially motivated “Why the need would a child want to go back and find, for financial reasons? That they should be allowed something…?” She repeated the statement “fail to see the value” and later continued objections, saying “This to me slaps in the face...of how the adoptive parent would like to raise these children up in talking about things” Adoptee Advocate, Connie Gray reminded Senator Campbell in her testimony that as minors, of course the parents are the authority but, “We do grow up, and we have our own rights to our own records.” Video can be viewed here: http://tlcsenate.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=9&clip_id=810 beginning at 51:00

Today 90% of Texas adoptions are considered to have some form of openness, allowing current adopted children access to vital medical history and genealogy. HB 984, would have granted that right to adults who were party to closed adoptions, rectifying this inequity between the generations, allowing all Texas adoptees access to this critical and self-affirming information.

Game Changers for supporting Original Birth Certificate Access for adult Adoptees

By Marci Purcell

I support restoring Access to Original Birth Certificates (OBC’s) to adult adopted people. In recent years there have been several important “game changers” causing the need for legislative change to protect the rights of many in the adoption community. They are the recent phenomena of social media and the DNA testing sites (Ancestry.com, FtDNA, 23&Me). In the past there were some passionate arguments relating to keeping these records sealed, however public opposition has dropped off considerably. I believe this is as a result of the game changers mentioned above. This type of legislation is more needed than ever, and those who have opposed it in the past are signing on. There are currently 22 States in the United States that allow partial or full access. 9 grant unrestricted access. There is still work to be done.

Current status in Texas: 

When an adult adopted person who was party to a closed adoption wants to reconnect with biological family in Texas, they have the following options (it is likely similar in your state, unless they have updated laws):

1. Petition the court of adoption for the judge to release the birth certificate: As adult adoptees, many of us from the baby scoop era, we are taught to feel ashamed of wanting this genealogical information. Even well meaning people say to us, “Why would you do this to your adopted family? They are your real family, the ones who raised you.” Am I not permitted to the curiosity I feel as most people do, when it comes to my ancestry? Learning my biological genealogy cannot begin to replace the memories of my childhood and the parenting of my adoptive family. No adult adoptee thinks it could. But it does not erase my innate curiosity and longing for my cultural identity. To go before a judge only risks the same judgement, the same accusing questions. but in a very public manner. For many adoptees this can be, and often is a very humiliating experience. It is again to be told, “You have no right to know your family, to know your heritage, not even as an adult citizen, as the rest of us do.” I am an adoptee, advocating for this legislation and I have not had the emotional fortitude to go before a judge and risk another rejection. The idea of this process makes me feel vulnerable and humiliated. Often times the judge denies access.

2. Social Media: If I do not have the means, the fortitude, or was denied my original birth certificate by the judge I can turn to social media. Sites like Facebook and Twitter have already played a vital role in uniting birth families. Adoptees are using the most efficient tools available to them, and right now that is social media. People ask, “what’s the harm in this. Why worry if it is working?” Well, I am worried and I am not alone. Reunions are stressful, as with any other life changing experience. A public reunion scenario adds another level of stress. I believe the humane way to initiate reunion is for a person to obtain their OBC, directly. Then the adoptee can reach out privately to the biological parents. When you “advertise” on social media, you risk “outing” the birth parent before they have a chance to prepare. In fact, the adoptee has inadvertently told thousands of people about a very private event, filled with a myriad of emotions for the birth mother/birth father. Or, the adoptee contacts a half-sibling or a cousin, and the birth mother is outed this way. Most birth parents actually do want to be found. Research supports this, however, most do not want to be found in a public forum; very jarring and not at all private. I think this is a real injustice. By keeping birth records sealed, it forces adoptees to go about searching in a very public way. If access to OBC’s is granted, it reverts back to a private matter between adult family members, as it should be.

3. DNA Testing Sites: There are now 10,000,000 people in the DNA databases combined.  Again, a very useful tool with many of the pitfalls listed above. Sometimes an adoptee might not get a direct match to a birth parent when entering DNA. It may be a cousin or a half sibling instead. The adoptee then “climbs the family tree” until they reach someone who can provide answers or who is willing to do a little digging.This digging involves asking various family members if they know anything about a baby being relinquished or abandoned. The birth mother is then outed, possibly before she has had time to emotionally prepare or tell those closest to her about her relinquished child. With the awareness of the law changing, the birth parent has a chance to think things through, and make thoughtful decisions about how to handle contact, and at the very least tell those closest to them, if they choose. And with the adoptee directly obtaining their OBC from Vital Statistics, there isn't the risk of them asking many others before arriving at the right doorstep, so to speak.

So you see, adopted people are finding their families when they search using these alternative venues. But the current system is failing to protect people. It is failing to keep these matters private. Ironically, by removing government involvement by in dealing records, states can protect the rights of citizens on both sides of the equation. That is why the past element of opposition is missing. This is why so many legislators are signing on and we rapidly nearing the tipping point. Because, in the past an adult adopted person had little chance of finding biological family without the birth certificate. Now, the OBC has become almost irrelevant. Except it is not; Not to those whose OBC’s are denied them. It is a constant reminder that they are a shameful secret, not granted the same rights to their first medical and genealogical document as everyone else; an event for which they were present. Original Birth Certificate Access legislation, greatly reduces this risk of unwanted publicity and provides personal validity for thousands of Texas citizens.

Copyright 2015 Marci Purcell: All rights reserved; may be used freely with citation by non-profits and educational institutions.