Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Can You Imagine...?

Can you imagine a contract that:

-two parties enter into that is used to justify barring a third person (party) from knowing anything about their history, ethnicity or genealogy without that third party's consent or foreknowledge, though, in fact, legally it does not?

-This contract is signed by the first two parties without the consent of the third party - the actual person losing access to their own personal, most basic information.

-The third party, the one resulting in being barred, is unaware of said contract, or its signing at the time of its execution.

-The contract is interpreted as barring them, the third party from their own personal information for life, although this is not actually what's in the contract.

-The third person (party) has committed no crimes. And that same third person is not allowed to even view the specific contract that they are being bound by for life.

When the third party questions the validity of the contract they are bound by, but never agreed to, they are sometimes shunned and humiliated by those close to them, misinformed strangers, and also by privileged persons in positions of power. The barred individual's motives are questioned. They are told to be grateful that the contract exists.  

The terms of the contract, as mistakenly interpreted by others, extend until death.

*often one or both of the two signing parties do not fully understand the scope, full intent, or implications of the contract at the time of its signing. The third party, when later notified of the existing signed contract and its implied and actual terms, is keenly aware of all its implications through lifelong exposure to discrimination and all that that experience includes.

You can't make this stuff up.
#ThisIsUs #adopteevoices #HumanRightsViolations

Saturday, January 27, 2018

IN RESPONSE TO KWAME ANTHONY APPIAH




I posted this comment to the Jan. 24, 2018 NYT column by The Ethicist entitled, What if I Don’t Want to See the Child I Gave Up for Adoption?, By Kwame Anthony Appiah

Please remember, adoptees grow up to be tax paying, voting, adult citizens. We do not remain children. The "Ethicist's" casual dismissal of the need for family medical history would be laughable if it weren't for the fact that right now, in the present, adults and children alike, are searching for answers to rare genetic diseases, answers that they find when they gain access to their origin info. Vague mention of a someday when the genome is decoded is hardly an acceptable, well thought-out response.


Also, saying "some adopted children are curious" is like a slap in the face. THE MAJORITY OF HUMANITY IS CURIOUS. The non-adopted just have their answers readily available to them and so they don't give it a second thought. Even with the wealth of information available to most non-adopted, Ancestry, Family Tree DNA, 23&Me shows its latest numbers in the multimillions of people testing. Adoptees are only 2% of the population so it isn't adoptees buying up all those testing kits, right? Its everyone! Why? To find out all they can about themselves.


Please quit talking about adoptees as perpetual children and making them out to be some kind of freaks for wanting their origin information. It is normal and natural to want to know your beginnings and can be traumatizing living a life without this information. We are not asking for much. Just what everyone else has....and takes for granted. Next time, please do a little more research, "Ethicist." As a discerning reader of the NYT, I expect something a lot more fair and balanced than this pat, predictable, simplistic answer.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Christian Guest Blogger

In my social media travels, I recently came accross this exchange between Lynn Grubb, adoptee rights advocate and writer, and commenter, Jennifer Fredericksen, family preservation advocate. It so impacted me that I asked permission to create this dialogue as a blog post. I feel it explains why people of faith not only can, but should support adoption reform and family preservation. Thank you Lynn and Jennifer for allowing me to share:
Lynn: Adoptees, adoptive and birth parents: what could the church do more of (or less of) to help you feel supported in your faith and worship? Even if you do not currently attend a place of worship I would still like to hear from you especially if you left a place of worship because of anything related to adoption.

Jennifer Fredericksen: Thank you for asking this question. 
A few things I can think of that would help me and my family fit back into the church and begin to heal from adoption trauma......

1) Listen to us. Sit with adoptees and families of loss. Show up and hear our grief and loss. Validate it.

2) Research and understand that adoption does not save babies from being aborted. In fact, I have testimony from qualified professionals in the pro-life mindset that can prove such. This is huge because if they knew the facts, they would support family preservation. Expecting mothers who believe adoption is their only birthing option will abort before relinquishing.

3) Prepare  a sermon, or many that digs into scripture explaining the real meaning of adoption in the Bible. I have never heard a sermon from the pulpit to support the way our churches promote adoption? I had to read if for myself and study what God says about the importance of family and how adoption is not His design.....which explains the grief and damage adoption has done to my family. Why did I have to find this out on my own?

4) All Pastors need to read the "Primal Wound" to understand the trauma of a child and mother separated at birth. If we are going to be "pro-life" we need to care about the wellbeing of child and mother as well. 

5) When there is an unexpected pregnancy in the church family it is imperative how we handle it.  Embrace the expecting mother. Do not judge her or her family. Come along side of them and celebrate the new family member with all the family. I can not tell you how many people told us they were sorry to hear of the pregnancy. I recall one person congratulating me. I was stunned by this. A baby is not a sin......it is a gift from God for the parents and family, not for another family.

6) Make sure the church comes alongside the expecting grandparents to assure them their importance in supporting their son or daughter AND grandchild.

7) This one is big for me......it literally makes me physically ill.  Stop promoting pregnancy centers that promote adoption as a beautiful, selfless option. Along with propping up open adoption. Open adoption is not legally binding. Be aware of what we are supporting financially.  Relinquishing a baby is devastating to a mother and child. We should not support anything that causes such trauma...abortion and adoption is trauma.  We need to promote parenting. Adoption should rarely take place. We have to educate the pregnancy centers.
I am not against these centers, I want to support them. But they need to know the facts on adoption.

8 ) I am certain Pastors have no idea the messages I receive from so many who suffer from adoption trauma. Their Faith and Salvation is in a crisis. For adoption to be God's plan, one mother must lose a baby and grieve this loss all her life while the other mother is blessed? God surely loves this adoptive mother and hates the other for this to happen. And for the adoptee.....God must love others more because they got to stay with their biological family. And the adoptee was separated by God from his/her family. This adoption theology, I believe, is responsible for so many never coming to Christ or their rejecting Him. THIS is a serious matter. I do not want to be responsible for this.

Just so everyone knows....

I want every baby born. I believe every mother and baby should always be given the chance to stay together. I believe most adoptive parents have good intentions and have no judgment at all with them.  Except the ones who lie, coerce, and feel entitled to someone else's child.  It's real, it happens.
I love Jesus, and I want more than ANYTHING to be back in church with my family.....I miss every part of being a church family.  We keep trying. But it would be encouraging to know some of these things above that trigger our trauma, can at the very least be discussed and taken seriously.

We as Christians and churches can do better and make family preservation our goal before adoption. 

Sorry this is so long. But I have been waiting for years for someone to ask this question.

Monday, December 12, 2016

SB 714, 2013 OBC ACCESS BILL "I don't understand the need...Is this for Financial Reasons?"

http://tlcsenate.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=9&clip_id=810

Start at 51:00 for Senator Lucio explaining the bill, (2013's bill was only in the case that the birth parents were dead). Go to 54:40 for Senator Campbell's comments about "financial reasons."
Senator Campbell's respsonse, "Which adoptees [want access]? Where?"

57:00 for Witness testimony by Adoption Knowledge Affiliates, Shirley Dodson &
TX Adoptee Reunion Services, Connie Gray.

2013 Companion House Bill 1014 by representative Susan King.

Friday, September 30, 2016

DNA, Social Media, Sealed Records & Myths of Providing Anonymity

So, by now you may have heard the Ancestry.com, FTDNA.com, 23&Me, and GEDMATCH* are all offering very affordable, or free rates for their DNA Testing results. You simply swab a cheek, spit in a tube, or upload a prexisting data file from another company and whala, you are compared to anywhere from 1,000,000 -14,000,000 people depending on the service. If you plunk your DNA into more than one database you are compared to close to 20,000,000 people, and this number is very rapidly rising, daily.

Now, with DNA as the leading way to find long lost family, it is ludicrous to imagine that state governments are spending tons of money to make and keep adoptee records sealed. Spending money? Yes, because this process and all its trappings actually costs the state government money. The staff needed to process the OBC differently, the space needed to keep these files separate, and the work hours of high paid judges and clerks across the Texas, to listen to cases and grant or deny access to those who choose to petition the court. None of these measures, which translate to monetary expenses would be incurred if the records were open to the adoptees to whom they belong, just as they are for the non-adopted. The irony is the money and time IS NOT actually keeping people's identities anonymous, or even private, which people (inaccurately) cite as being the reasoning behind, and result of sealed records. What it is doing is disenfranchizing and perpetuating the stigma of being adopted for the majority of adopted people in this country, and leaving all parties vulnererable to very public searches, because this is what is left to them since records are sealed. Many adoptees would otherwise have no interest in reuniting with birth family, but driven to do so because that is currently the only way to gain access to their own, vital information, including family medical history, ethnicity, and genealogy information. 

Here's how sealed records is having the opposite effect of what some legislators purport:

When the adoptee interested in gaining access to their identity information (ethnicity, birth stats, genealogy) hits the brick wall of sealed records, they then turn to the public commercial sector, with all its social media and DNA tools. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and Google have all become the perfect venue for finding family. The adoptee simply scrawls down all the private information they know surrounding their birth (non-ID info) onto a posterboard, which is then shareable and they are off to finding family. Eventually a friend, or cousin, or adult child of the birth parent sees the information and makes the connection.  This discovery is usually followed up with a series of awkward phone calls until finally, the birth parent is identified then outed in a very public and unexpected way by their known family members or close friends. Not at all private for the birth parents, nor for the searching adoptee, for that matter.

Usually in tandom with social media, the adoptee does DNA testing, now the fastest way to finding family. As mentioned above, there are many millions of people in the database. I have yet to see someone domestically born test and not have at least a 3rd cousin match to the tester in the past year, and often a 2nd cousin or closer match is probable.  Although some matches may be somewhat distant, this is an amazing feeling for the adoptee; very grounding. To see for the first time ever that you are connected to others on this planet is usually life altering for the individual. To receive ethnicity information, although vague, is profound.

This realization of connectedness and new ethnicity information can be very motivating, and the person with renewed vigor doubles down to solve the mystery of who they are descended from. They "climb the family tree," spending hours researching, asking their new relatives how they could posibly fit in, sharing every shred of information they may have until the mystery is solved, usually through a new aunt, sibling, or cousin. Again, no privacy whatsoever for the birth family, or the adoptee.

And then there are the many who put in their DNA sample only to immediately match a birth parent because they, too are searching. DNA gold! Studies show an overwhelming number of birth parents want to connect, to at least gain some closure or peace about their decision. Some want to thank adoptive parents. For others it is to confirm the well being of their adult children who were adopted out in a different social climate then we have now, so their child, as an adult can gain healing through understanding their birth parent's decision. The DNA enrollment number will be increasing as more and more discover DNA testing as a reliable search tool. The opportunity for this reunion, and to know the whereabouts of their child often provides immense healing to both parties.

An important point I would like to make here is that the government continues to send the message, often in writing, on their website and printed materials, (and squashed legislation attempts by adoptee rights groups), that the sealing of records was implemented to, and will protect the birth parents' right to privacy from adoptees. This is not the impetus for sealed records and in today's day and age sealed records, as shown above, actually jeopardizes privacy for all parties. These old school arguments are simply untrue, especially in today's world.

The fact that birth records are not sealed from the relinquished individual *until* and unless there is an adoption, is telling. I was not adopted until I was 3, so my records remained mine, my original birth certificate served as mine until I was adopted. My given birth name, including my last name, was my legal name until I was adopted at 3. All the while, my birth mother was easily traceable, her identity known. In fact, I continued to posess my social security card with my original name on it after I was adopted. No one ever asked for it back. I grew up knowing my given birth name and date of birth. If the sealed records were meant to keep someone anonymous, why does this information remain the child's until the time of adoption, sometimes years later? Because these sealed records laws were put in place mainly to quell the concerns of the adoptive parents who were fearful of birth parents, not to guarantee the anonymity of the birth parents. I have seen my relinquishment document. There are no rights granted. Only rights taken away. Birth parent anonymity, as a reason for sealed records is only a myth. It was never the actual intent.

These laws are continually upheld on a false premise and rob adoptees of their medical, genealogical, and ancestral information. Imagine walking around in a world full of people and not knowing who you are biologically related to; fearful of dating a cousin or wondering if that woman who looks like you is your sister. Imagine the stress that accompanies that lack of knowledge. Imagine not knowing your ethnicity. It feels like society is playing a cruel trick on us. Family origin information, accoridng to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child is a basic human right. Of course it is. Most non adopted can't even insgine what our lives are like. I challenge you to try.

We are asking lawmakers to stop holding our info hostage. We are adult, tax-paying citizens and tired of being treated like children. Adoptees are real people, with decendents, our children, who are also impacted. We are not enjoying this 20th century government supported social experiment, which amounts to systemic discrimination based on the circumstance of our birth. Stop violating our basic human rights and give us our original birth certificates. We are adults asking for what you all already have; equal rights to access our vital record.

Our issue is not about reunions. Reunions are happening everyday with DNA and social media. Our issue is about being treated with equality and diginity under the law. Our issue is about access to our own information in the form of our original vital record. What we do with that information, as adults, is our own business, just like what you do with yours is your business.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Game Changers for supporting Original Birth Certificate Access for adult Adoptees

By Marci Purcell

I support restoring Access to Original Birth Certificates (OBC’s) to adult adopted people. In recent years there have been several important “game changers” causing the need for legislative change to protect the rights of many in the adoption community. They are the recent phenomena of social media and the DNA testing sites (Ancestry.com, FtDNA, 23&Me). In the past there were some passionate arguments relating to keeping these records sealed, however public opposition has dropped off considerably. I believe this is as a result of the game changers mentioned above. This type of legislation is more needed than ever, and those who have opposed it in the past are signing on. There are currently 22 States in the United States that allow partial or full access. 9 grant unrestricted access. There is still work to be done.

Current status in Texas: 
When an adult adopted person who was party to a closed adoption wants to reconnect with biological family in Texas, they have the following options (it is likely similar in your state, unless they have updated laws):

1. Petition the court of adoption for the judge to release the birth certificate: As adult adoptees, many of us from the baby scoop era, we are taught to feel ashamed of wanting this genealogical information. Even well meaning people say to us, “Why would you do this to your adopted family? They are your real family, the ones who raised you.” Am I not permitted to the curiosity I feel as most people do, when it comes to my ancestry? Learning my biological genealogy cannot begin to replace the memories of my childhood and the parenting of my adoptive family. No adult adoptee thinks it could. But it does not erase my innate curiosity and longing for my cultural identity. To go before a judge only risks the same judgement, the same accusing questions. but in a very public manner. For many adoptees this can be, and often is a very humiliating experience. It is again to be told, “You have no right to know your family, to know your heritage, not even as an adult citizen, as the rest of us do.” I am an adoptee, advocating for this legislation and I have not had the emotional fortitude to go before a judge and risk another rejection. The idea of this process makes me feel vulnerable and humiliated. Often times the judge denies access.

2. Social Media: If I do not have the means, the fortitude, or was denied my original birth certificate by the judge I can turn to social media. Sites like Facebook and Twitter have already played a vital role in uniting birth families. Adoptees are using the most efficient tools available to them, and right now that is social media. People ask, “what’s the harm in this. Why worry if it is working?” Well, I am worried and I am not alone. Reunions are stressful, as with any other life changing experience. A public reunion scenario adds another level of stress. I believe the humane way to initiate reunion is for a person to obtain their OBC, directly. Then the adoptee can reach out privately to the biological parents. When you “advertise” on social media, you risk “outing” the birth parent before they have a chance to prepare. In fact, the adoptee has inadvertently told thousands of people about a very private event, filled with a myriad of emotions for the birth mother/birth father. Or, the adoptee contacts a half-sibling or a cousin, and the birth mother is outed this way. Most birth parents actually do want to be found. Research supports this, however, most do not want to be found in a public forum; very jarring and not at all private. I think this is a real injustice. By keeping birth records sealed, it forces adoptees to go about searching in a very public way. If access to OBC’s is granted, it reverts back to a private matter between adult family members, as it should be.

3. DNA Testing Sites: There are now 10,000,000 people in the DNA databases combined.  Again, a very useful tool with many of the pitfalls listed above. Sometimes an adoptee might not get a direct match to a birth parent when entering DNA. It may be a cousin or a half sibling instead. The adoptee then “climbs the family tree” until they reach someone who can provide answers or who is willing to do a little digging.This digging involves asking various family members if they know anything about a baby being relinquished or abandoned. The birth mother is then outed, possibly before she has had time to emotionally prepare or tell those closest to her about her relinquished child. With the awareness of the law changing, the birth parent has a chance to think things through, and make thoughtful decisions about how to handle contact, and at the very least tell those closest to them, if they choose. And with the adoptee directly obtaining their OBC from Vital Statistics, there isn't the risk of them asking many others before arriving at the right doorstep, so to speak.

So you see, adopted people are finding their families when they search using these alternative venues. But the current system is failing to protect people. It is failing to keep these matters private. Ironically, by removing government involvement by in dealing records, states can protect the rights of citizens on both sides of the equation. That is why the past element of opposition is missing. This is why so many legislators are signing on and we rapidly nearing the tipping point. Because, in the past an adult adopted person had little chance of finding biological family without the birth certificate. Now, the OBC has become almost irrelevant. Except it is not; Not to those whose OBC’s are denied them. It is a constant reminder that they are a shameful secret, not granted the same rights to their first medical and genealogical document as everyone else; an event for which they were present. Original Birth Certificate Access legislation, greatly reduces this risk of unwanted publicity and provides personal validity for thousands of Texas citizens.

Copyright 2015 Marci Purcell: All rights reserved; may be used freely with citation by non-profits and educational institutions.